Whenever I would feel guilty about doing something, someone used to tell me, "Well don't do it then if it makes you feel that way." Should all guilt be approached in the same manner? I don't really know why I would explicitly ask since I already know the answer: no. 

I have a new boyfriend-- we've been dating for 7 months now. He lives on his own, and I've never had a boyfriend that had lived on his own. I find that I am there all the time, but I still live at home with parents and my mom makes me feel guilty for staying there since she's very Catholic. Okay well the real problem is not that I stay there a lot-- I've spent the night there a few times, and I come home with my parents giving me the cold shoulder and an enormous elephant stays the room/house for the rest of the day, or even a few days. 

Tomorrow, Monday, and Tuesday, I will be working at stores that are 45 mins - 1 hr away from my house. My boyfriend lives much closer to those stores, so I asked my mom if it was okay that I stayed there tonight and Monday night, and she replied, "You always spend the night there anyway." But I don't "always" do. 

So the question is: Do I stay there anyway? Or do I listen to my guilt and just stay home?

Btw, I'm 27.

Well hello again, Internet. It's been a hot minute. I don't intend on making this entry TOO long... so here goes.

During my whole time in residency so far, I have been feeling like I have lost motivation in wanting to do well. I've honestly been kind of apathetic and all I seem to think about is getting this shit over with and taking at least at 2-month break before even thinking of wanting to work again. Well, my Grand Rounds is coming up (aka big important presentation to the pharmacy staff) this week, and for the first time in a while, I have been starting to feel some motivation slowly creep back into my life. I have been a little more disciplined than normal by making myself read studies relating to my presentation and sacrificing time with Tomas in order to do that. Also, Tomas and I signed up for the Gate River Run, so we have been trying to stick to our training schedule and increase our mileage every week. We have also made an agreement to give up red meat and pork until the GRR as well to help us stay disciplined, and so far we've been sticking to it. Those other factors are probably contributing to motivation also, since we have a specific goal we're working towards. 

I don't want to ever fall into losing motivation and accepting it. In school, my motivation was to graduate, and I set a goal to graduate "above average," and I did it. The entire past year after graduation, I have been feeling somewhat numb and I had a feeling that it had a lot to do with my lack of motivation, but I didn't really know what I could do to alleviate that. Just observing my life now, it seems that I have to set a goal first in order to motivate me to do well. As far as long-term goals go, I don't have anything solid planned in my career, which is probably why I'm lacking motivation. But before I set a long-term goal, obviously I have to want it. What do I want? What do I want to make out of my career? Do I want my career to define my life, or do I want my career to be able to support another part of my life that I want more? 

Hmm... the latter.

So, what place will allow me to do that? Retail, I guess. Part-time involvement. Okay, so now look for a retail job where I can work part-time. Easy as that. 

Or is it?

I'm fucking complicated, man.

Anyway, back to reading!